The 101 Percent Principle

The effectiveness of our leadership is determined by our ability to relate to others. Leadership is influence. Whether it’s effective, positive leadership or ineffective, negative lead­ership, when people are leading others, they have influ­ence—what they say, what they think, and what they do influence those who follow them.

Your relationship with others determines how you will influence them. Are they under your care? Are they account­able to you? Are you consistent and approachable? Do you project a positive attitude? Your relationships with the peo­ple around you will do more to determine your effectiveness as a leader than anything else. Too often we try to separate leadership from relationships. We look at leadership as posi­tion, title, or a name.



Jesus’ Relational Leadership



John 10 gives us a biblical understanding of relational leader­ship. Jesus, describing the Good Shepherd, says,



The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name, and leads them out.... He goes before them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. And a stranger they simply will not follow, but will flee from him, because they do not know the voice of strangers. (John 10:3-5)



There are three components of relational leadership in this Scripture passage. The first is that the shepherd knows his sheep intimately. His relationship with them is such that he recognizes them instantly. The sheep know his voice, and he knows their names. He is personally acquainted with each one:

The second component of relational leadership is that the relationship is built on trust. The shepherd not only knows the name of his sheep. but his sheep trust him. They hear his voice and come to him, but they will run from a stranger. From this we can learn that leaders must be worth~’ of their followers’ trust.

The third component is that relationships are modeled. The shepherd walks ahead of his sheep, and they follow him.

Someone asked chief executives of major companies in the United States to name the characteristic they wanted most in potential employees. By far the great majority of these exec­utives said that what they wanted to see more than anything else in people who came into their companies was the ability to work with other people. Of course they want them to have certain abilities and skills, but more than that, they want people who can work well with others. If you can relate well with others, you can go survive almost any situation in life. John Rockefeller, the builder of giant corporations, said, 1 will pay more for the ability to deal with people than any other ability under the sun.”

A survey was sent out to 2,000 employers, asking respon­dents to check the files of the last three persons they dis­missed from their jobs and tell why they were fired. In two out of three cases, the answer was the same: the employees could not get along with other people. People did not lose their jobs because they lacked skills; they lost their jobs because they lacked ability to relate effectively with others.

We’re going to deal with two things in this chapter: han­dling conflicts in relationships, which I find to be the num­ber-one problem of people in leadership positions, and creat­ing effective relationships.



Handling Conflicts



The secret to handling conflicts successfully is to live ac­cording to the 101 percent principle. If there is someone under your umbrella of leadership who tends to he obstinate, find the 1 percent on which the two of you agree, and give it all you’ve got—100 percent of your effort and ability. Let that 1 percent shred of agreement be the tie that binds you together.

There’s a tendency for us to generalize and idealize rela­tionships. Remember the Parable of the Lost Sheep? One sheep disobeyed and disappeared; it left the security of the flock to go out and do its own thing. The shepherd could have said “We’re better off without you—be some lion’s dinner!” But no. the shepherd left the 99 that were secure and went in search of the one that was lost (Luke 15:4-6). That’s a perfect example of the 101 percent principle. The shepherd looked until he found it; he expended a great deal of energy to develop that relationship with the very one who had not been in kilter with the rest of the gang. That’s the 101 percent principle.

And I want to give you ten commandments fur handling conflicts. I think they’ll be helpful to you because all of us have times when we have to take a relationship that’s not healthy and try to bring healing to it.



Ten Conflict Commandments



Follow the 101 percent principle. I had a friend in my last church who had caused me all kinds of difficulties. He had done the same with the two previous pastors. In fact, I’m pretty sure he was the reason both of them left the church. For months I thought and prayed about ways to develop a relationship with him. I was looking for that 1 percent. He and his wife had adopted two children into their family, and we had adopted two in ours. One Halloween night I took my daughter, Elizabeth, who was then about two years of age, to his house and knocked on the door. I’d already programmed her to go over and give him a big hug and tell him she loved him. She did and he melted. As he stood there crying, I knew I had found the crack in his tough exterior and the 1 percent that we had in common—adopted children. That began to build a relationship that became very successful. That’s the 101 percent principle.

Love people more than opinions. Anyone who loves his opinions more than he does his friends will defend his opinions and destroy his friends. People who are not effec­tive in relationships usually have a higher regard for their opinions than they do for people. We need to step back and look at what is really important to us. Is it helping or hinder­ing our relationships with people?

Give others the benefit of the doubt. We usually rule ourselves with our hearts, but we rule others with our heads. We have mercy on ourselves but not on the other person. If you want to build relationships, follow this rule: when work­ing with yourself use your head; when working with others, use your heart. Give other people the benefit of the doubt.

Learn to be flexible. Thomas Jefferson once said “In matters of principle, stand like a rock. In matters of taste, swim with the current.” In my last church when they were decorating the sanctuary, I really didn’t like what they were doing, but I also realized that it wasn’t that important. If the issue is evangelism, I’m not going to waver for anybody— that’s a matter of principle. But if we’re talking about the color of the carpeting or the stain on the pews, I’ll swim with the current. Learn to be flexible in your life. The greater the man, the more flexible he is. Good leaders learn how to say I’m sorry” more quickly than followers. Effective leaders know how to back down; they don’t constantly feel the need to defend their rights; they’ve learned to differentiate be­tween principles and taste; they’ve learned to be flexible.

Provide an escape hatch for the person in conflict I have watched people defend their actions, not because they knew they were right, but because their pride kept them from backing down. It takes a strong leader to allow someone who has been defeated to ease out of a situation and save face. Once the point has been made, back off

Check your own attitude. Many times wrong relationships develop because of wrong attitudes. You need to ask yourself questions to help you know whether your attitude is right or wrong. For instance, if you’re having conflicts with several people, there’s a good chance the problem is you, not them. Ask yourself, Am I constantly in conflict, or is this an excep­tion? If it’s an exception, your attitude is probably fine. The attitude with which we view people determines to a large extent our perception of how they feel about us. Check your attitude.

Don’t overreact to conflicts. You’re going to have con­flicts; don’t make them worse by overreacting to them. Don’t drop a bomb when a slingshot will work. If you expect conflicts, you will be better prepared to handle them sensibly.

Don’t become defensive. You never win in relationships when you’re defensive. A secure leader knows how to say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I misunderstood. Please forgive me.” The moment that you defend yourself, the moment that you stand up for your rights, you’re going to start a battle. We never resolve differences by being defensive.

Welcome the conflict Make it a learning experience. Most of us will never enjoy conflicts, but we can be thankful for them if we learn from them. Conflicts will either give you ulcers or understanding: you choose which it will be.

Take a risk. Many people do not handle conflict in rela­tionships because they are afraid to put their hands out first. If my relationship with you is shaky and you extend your hand toward me in a gesture of friendship, how do you feel if I don’t clasp it? First, you feel ridiculous standing there with your hand in the air. Then you feel rejected. Many people don’t handle their conflicts because they don’t want to be rejected. They’re unwilling to take that risk.

When I realized that I was going to be a leader, I sat down one day and wrote down all the ways a leader can be hurt. After I wrote them down, dozens of them, I categorized them. I decided that leaders will always be hurt. Don’t let anybody sell you on the idea that everybody’s going to love you all the time. If you are out front leading people, you will be hurt. The issue is not will you or won’t you but in what way will you be hurt? I decided that I would be hurt because I trust people and make myself vulnerable to them. I know people who say, “I won’t get close to people, so they won’t hurt me.’ I’ve watched people build themselves into glass cases; they make good mannequins but poor leaders. Because I am willing to be hurt in that area, I find that there are people I have trusted, people I have believed in, who have grown because I risked getting close to them; I risked being rejected by them. Many times more often than not, it’s worth the risk. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.



Cultivating Good Relationships



Fortunately, we don’t always have to handle conflicts. We do have some good relationships. How can we make them better? In John 10 we can find three things to do to cultivate relationships: know them, grow them, and show them. Rela­tionships start with knowing, continue with growing, and climax with showing. Know them: Jesus called His sheep by name. Grow them: they heard His voice and came to Him. Show them: Jesus walked ahead of His sheep, and they fol­lowed Him.

Know them. Let me give you the ABCs of beginning effec­tive relationships. Acknowledge your need for others. For ~‘our relationships to be cultivated effectively, you have to admit that you need other people in your life. Paul teaches that “there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you’; or again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you’” (1 Cor. 12:20-21). A complete Christian is filled with God’s Spirit but is also complemented by different gifted friends. Friends are essen­tial. Acknowledge your need of them. Until you do that, you’ll never cultivate effective relationships.

Believe in the value of others. Carlisle said, “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats the little man.” The value you place on people determines whether you are a motivator or a manipulator of men. Motivation is moving together for mutual advantage. It’s all of us moving together because it benefits all of us; manipulation is moving together for my advantage. There’s a difference. With the motivator, everybody wins. With the manipulator, only the ‘leader” wins.

Concentrate on people, not programs. The only things that God will ever rescue from this planet are His people. There­fore, if you want a ministry of permanence, you must build into the lives of others. Changing programs won’t establish permanence; changing people will. Some of the most miser­able people I know are program changers and builders. On the other hand, the happiest people I know are people builders and changers. Where are you going to put your life? Concentrate on people.

Grow them. If you want to help people grow, you need to be available to them when they need you. People going through hard times have deeply felt needs that you can reach out to meet. As you do, you will find your relationships with them deepening. Timing is more important than time in a relationship. Walking into the lives of people when they really need you is more important than being with them all the times when they don’t really need you. Timing is essen­tial.

Be a reliable leader. Relationships grow on consistency; they shrink on moodiness. Be approachable: have you ever wanted to see somebody who had tremendous mood swings but hesitated because you didn’t know whether that person would love you or bite your head oft? As a leader, be reliable so your people can always feel comfortable coming to you.

Be a reassuring leader. Relationships grow in an atmo­sphere of affirmation. Most people are insecure; because they need encouragement, you need to be an encourager. Marga­ret and I recently had a talk with our daughter’s gymnastics instructor. He has had trouble grasping the importance of affirming people: he’s quick to tell the kids in the class when they do something wrong, but he doesn’t know how to say, ‘That was good. You’re doing well there.” We encouraged him to use some positive reinforcement with Elizabeth. Af­firm your people. That’s how they grow.

Be a resourceful leader. Relationships grow when some­one has answers to questions. Become a problem solver. Have something to contribute. We all like to be around people who can stretch us, teach us, and help us grow.

Show them. People do what they see. In cultivating rela­tionships we have to model for others good people skills. People do not care how much you know, but they know how much you care, and they know how much you care by the way you act, not by what you say.

In studies of the leadership of American businesses, it has been shown that executives spend three-fourths of their working days with people. The largest single cost in most businesses is people. The most valuable asset of any company is its people. All executive plans are carried out, or fail to be carried out, by people. Our relationships with people will determine the success of our leadership. We can either work with people or war against them. We can be plows or bulldozers: the plow turns over the earth, stirring it up, cultivating it, making it a good place for seed to grow; the bulldozer scrapes the earth, pushing obstacles aside. Both plows and bulldozers are useful instruments, but one wrecks while the other cultivates. The plow type of leader sees in people riches waiting to be uncovered and cultivated; the bulldozer type of leader sees in people obstacles to be destroyed. Be a cultivator!