You Can Persist and Persevere

Sure I am of this, that you have only to endure to conquer.

--Winston Churchill

If you are like millions of people around the world, at some point in your life you have driven or ridden in a Honda car or motorcycle. Ever wonder how those vehicles came into being? Did a guy named Honda sit down one day, design an automobile, run out and sell it to your local dealer, who in turn sold it to you? It was not quite like that.

In the late 1930s, Soichiro Honda built a little workshop while still in school. He was developing the concept of the piston ring and wanted to sell the idea to Toyota. He worked on his design so long he often slept in the workshop. Married now, he would not give up on his idea, even though he had to pawn his wife's jewelry for working capital.

But when he finally presented a working sample to Toyota, the engineers laughed at his design. Nevertheless, Honda did not give up. Rather than focus on his failure, he returned to school and kept redesigning. Two years later he won a contract with Toyota.

Now he needed a factory. Unfortunately, the government was preparing for war and Honda couldn't find building supplies. Instead of quitting, he invented a new concrete-making process that enabled him to build the factory.

Then the factory was bombed twice.

Did that stop Honda? No. He collected what he called “gifts from President Truman”--surplus gasoline cans discarded by American fighters--which became his new raw materials for his rebuilt manufacturing process.

Then an earthquake destroyed the factory.

Was Honda finally defeated? Postwar Japan was experiencing an extreme gasoline shortage that forced the Japanese people to walk or ride bicycles. The persistent inventor applied his creativity to his own situation and built a tiny engine for his bicycle. His neighbors saw it and wanted one too, but he had no materials with which to build copies.

However, having survived rejection, ridicule, shortages, war, and natural disasters, Soichiro Honda was not ready to give up. He sent an inspiring letter to 18,000 bicycle shop owners, requesting donations toward a new idea that might help him revitalize Japan. Money came in from five thousand people and Honda set forth to build tiny bicycle engines. After trial and error he produced the small engine Super Cub, which was a huge success in Japan. Honda's company took off and he began to expand to European and American markets.

Honda didn't stop responding to the realities of the market. Noting a severe gas shortage in the United States in the 1970s and a growing interest in small cars, Honda's company began developing vehicles smaller than anyone had seen before and changed the automotive industry forever. Today Honda company, with more than 100,000 people in Japan and in the U.S., is one of the largest automobile companies in the world. All because one determined inventor committed himself to an idea, acted on it, adjusted when he needed to, and never gave up. Failure was simply not considered a possibility.

An amazing story, isn't it? Few people who get into their Hondas have any idea what it took to put that car in their driveway. But the truth is that most things of great value in life are achieved in exactly the same way; especially the things that not everyone accomplishes. Those things that most everyone does don't take a lot of perseverance, and therefore, most everyone does them. The more value something has, the more perseverance it takes to get it.

For example, most people can find lunch. Especially in America. Even if the one restaurant is closed, it's no big deal to find another one down the street. Normal day-to-day things like that seldom take a lot of persistence. Even people with little drive or with dissatisfied lives accomplish them. But persistence is almost always a big component to accomplishing the things of real value. I'm referring to things such as:

* Reaching a business or financial goal

* Reaching a personal goal like losing a significant amount of weight

* Mastering a skill

* Having a good marriage

* Raising well--adjusted kids

* Building a successful career

* Starting a business

* Overcoming depression

* Building a community of friends

* Developing an employee or team of people

* Getting in shape

* Overcoming an illness or living with one

* Working out a difficult marriage

* Making dating work successfully

* Overcoming an addiction

* Overcoming an emotional problem or habit pattern

Think about the people you know who have accomplished any of the above. In the vast majority of those cases, you will see one thing to be true: they accomplished their goal through persistence. No one who accomplishes the hard things does it quickly or easily. It comes about through continued effort. As Mr. Honda said, “To me success can be achieved only through repeated failure and introspection, in fact, my success represents the one percent of the work that resulted from the ninety-nine percent that was called failure.”

In the chapter on failure we saw the importance of looking at failure in just that way. But that is only the first step. In this chapter, we will see what is required as the next step: continuing on through persistence and perseverance.

Nothing Happens Overnight or Without a Fight

My three-year-old daughter often wants things, as we all do. But I notice something in her that concerns me for her future. She wants hers now. And she wants them without having to do anything for them. Not only does she not want to wait for dessert, she does not want to have to eat her green beans to get the cookie. Imagine that. She is not bad; she's just three. She is what we refer to as “childish.” That means lacking the maturity necessary to realize that you can't have everything when you want it, nor can you have it without giving something first. What's worse, she has no interest in developing those abilities. Therefore, they have to be built in from the outside by a process called discipline.

As her father, that process is what I must focus on--giving her the gifts of persistence and perseverance, if I can give her those two things, she will end up with the cookies of life, the rewards that will be what the Bible calls “sweet to her soul,” as she “accomplishes the desires of her heart” in the future. To get what she wants in life, my daughter must first possess these two important qualities. So I have to persist and persevere in the process of instilling them into her.

When we see this kind of immaturity in a small child, we think nothing of it because we expect it. We laugh at the sweetness of the immaturity that wants the cookies of life now and without effort. Little children think, “the world should exist to make me happy.” And when it doesn't make them happy they cry “foul,” as if something is wrong. In limited doses and at very young ages, this is cute to watch. But too much of any good thing can make you sick, and that is why every parent eventually reaches the boiling point when faced with the demand for instant gratification and the protest when it is not forthcoming. We understand the desire in the children, but as they grow we expect them to develop a more mature attitude toward their desires and realize that the world does not owe them instant gratification. Things worth having require effort, persistence, and perseverance.

All too often though, even adults hang on to the childish desire for instant gratification. It is seldom as obvious in adults as it is in children, especially when it operates within ourselves. You think you're not guilty? Well, maybe not, but before you make that claim, consider whether you've been affected by any of these examples of “I want it now, and I want it without difficulty.”

* Quick weight-loss plans and diets that promise easy reduction of pounds with little effort

* Quick money-making plans, infomercials, or strategies that always emphasize how “fast” and “easy” it will be to have your mansion or your yacht

* Buying lottery tickets in hopes of winning it all

* Following hasty romantic passion and thinking it will result in a meaningful, lasting relationship

* Thinking that a career rise or job promotion should just come to you because you “deserve it” or have talent

* The desire for a quick or short-term therapy to resolve deep-seated emotional and relational issues

* Thinking that a little “quality time” with a child will be all the parenting needed for his or her development

* A mountaintop experience equaling spiritual maturity and intimacy with God

Can't most of us admit that at one time or another we have gotten hooked into one of these strategies? It is human nature to want the easy route, or the quick fix, or to get to the top without paying our dues, and almost everyone succumbs to this temptation at some point. But as reality imposes itself on us, we learn that to think that way is only a childish fantasy, a wish, and it will not yield any real rewards in the real world. Bummer.

But hang on. That feeling of being bummed out when the something--for--nothing attempt does not work is important, as my three-year-old is discovering. She still wants the cookie, and she is bummed because she doesn't have it. She has a father who is standing in the way of her getting it without doing the hard thing first.

When we put those two elements together--the desire for the cookie and the impossibility of getting it without doing the hard work first--we have the beginnings of the formula for getting what she wants. Her desire, added to the discomfort of being bummed out, alongside the requirement to finish her vegetables, causes her to do the thing required to get the prize: persevere through the requirement to the goal. As Proverbs says, “The laborer's appetite works for him: his hunger drives him on” (16:26 NIV). And when she gets that cookie, it is a joy to see her happy excitement.

People reap the rewards promised in the examples we just listed by the same process. Not through the “instant and easy” methods promised, but with the only formula that works: “later and effort.” The words later and effort correspond to the two words that are the subject of this chapter: persistence and perseverance. These two words are quite similar to one another, but one of them adds a slightly different twist to the basic idea.

Persistence means that it will take steadfast effort in the face of difficulty to get there. Perseverance adds the element of delayed gratification. Persistence tells us it is hard work to begin with, and then perseverance tells us it gets even harder because we encounter difficulties that put the gratification even further out, and therefore we have to be steadfast in pushing through to the end. In other words, to achieve your goal you must persist: get at it and keep at it. And then you must preserve, keep at it even when the going gets tough.

“Oh, puleeeze!” we cry. “There has got to be a better way! Surely there is a shortcut.” Well, yes, there usually is. There are quick paths to seeming rewards in most areas of life. But those rewards are only “seeming.” as the results do not last.

* Weight-loss research shows that those who lost it quickly do not keep it off and even gain back more than they lost. Further, the later gain is tougher to lose than the first.

* The majority of lottery winners are bankrupt within a short time. The majority lose the millions that they won.

* Quick “falling in love and coupling based only on romantic feelings without relationship skills to back them up ends in dissatisfaction and often a push to find another relationship on the rebound.

* Career advancement that comes from nepotism or favoritism or inheritance that is without merit blows up or fails in the end.

* Quick “feel good” therapies that do not involve character changes result in relapse.

* Intermittent “quality” parenting does not provide the ongoing molding of character that children require.

* Subjective mountaintop spiritual experiences fade and do not yield the kind of faith and maturity that ongoing spiritual disciplines bring about.

But even these failed attempts can bring about something good, just like it does with a three-year-old. If they cause you to realize the reality that “quick and easy” will not get you there, and you still have that strong, unrealized longing, then you have the two elements needed for success: motivation and a path.

You want it, and now you know how to get it: do the work, one step at a time, and realize that the reward will come at the end of the work. Applied to the list above, this means:

* Every day, people do lose weight and keep it off. Lots of it, as the research proves. The way they do it is with a little effort, time, and patience. They lose it slowly, not quickly, through structured, sustainable methods. They do not starve themselves or work out around the clock. They get into a healthy lifestyle and stay there on an ongoing basis. Therefore, they not only lose the weight, they keep it off. Why? Because they are now doing what every person does who stays in shape: eat healthy and exercise, There are no skinny people eating and living like the ones who are overweight, just as there are no rich people spending more than they have and running up debt on credit cards.

* Every day, people do achieve financial independence. But they do not it quickly without effort. The effort is not back breaking, but it requires what we are talking about here. A little work and some delay or gratification. They let time do its compounding work. At the business level, they do it the same ways slowly, diligently, and with sustainable methods. Get any good financial planning book and you can see the formula for yourself

* Every day, people do have good, lasting relationships. But they have them as a result of working on their communication, forgiveness, acceptance, character, intimacy, vulnerability, sacrifice for each other and the relationship, and delay of gratification when things get hard.

* Every day, people do hard work, increase their education and training, practice diligence, do jobs they do not like and are not their ultimate goal, take risks and stretch themselves, recover after failure, and so on, to build satisfying careers. They earn where they end up by doing the hard work no get there, as opposed to expecting it no he handed to them because they are “special.”

* Every day, people do recover from emotional and relational problems, addictions, and other struggles. But they do it by consistently working on their patterns, delaying the instant relief that their addictions and defenses would afford them, and doing the hard work of learning to relate and handle things differently.

* Every day, people raise healthy kids who function well and are able to adapt no life. But they do it with consistent self-sacrifice that gives them the time and energy to pour massive amounts of love, structure, discipline, and coaching into their children on an ongoing basis.

* Every day, people do develop the kind of faith that is fulfilling, meaningful, exciting, and sustaining in the worst crises of life. But they do it through the practice of the time-tested, age-old spiritual disciplines and consistency.

Here is the big idea: you can get the results that you are looking for in various areas of life if you do it the way that the people who get the results do it. They do it through persistent effort and perseverance. That is the only way.

Getting It and Keeping It Requires Muscle

At a recent gathering I overheard a group of people talking about hurrying out no buy lottery tickets. The lottery that week had climbed to an astronomical figure, which had this little group beside themselves with excitement. I poked my head into the circle and asked, “So, why do you want to go bankrupt?”

They looked at me as if I were from another planet, and then one of them said, “We aren't talking about going bankrupt. We are talking about winning millions!”

“Yeah, I know.” I said. “But the majority of the people who win go bankrupt. So it looks to me like that is what you are signing up for.”

They looked at me a little strangely, as if I were dousing their dream with a bucket of cold water. I don't think they believed me. Even if they did, no doubt they were convinced that they would be among the few who actually held on to their winnings. We did not have time to get into the reason that most lottery winners become losers, but if we had, I would have told them that there is a good reason.

It is the same reason that people who lose weight quickly or fall in love impulsively soon end up back where they started. It happens because they did not build the result, and therefore they do not have the skills to maintain the result. The same skills that create a result are needed to hold on to it and make it work.

Maintaining a good weight requires self--control and a healthy lifestyle. If a person doesn't have those two things, weight gain is a sure thing, period. On the other hand, if they develop those two required elements, and through Persistence lose rise weight, they will have the skills needed to keep it off. But if they don't, they won't.

If a person builds financial independence through delay of gratification, impulse control, and good self-management, then when he gets in, he will be able to keep it. But give an impulsive person a lot of sudden money and, as the old saying goes, “a fool and his money are soon divided.” Following one path causes you to lose in two ways, while following the other causes you to win to two ways. In the quick and easy way you lose first because that way doesn't work, and then you lose again because you do not become the kind of person who can ever sustain the process and make it work. In the reality way, the way of diligence and persistence that God designed, you win because you are doing things in the way that actually brings results, and then you win again because you are becoming the kind of person who can keep your success after you achieve it.

As we have seen, delay of gratification is a big part of this path. Research has shown, for example, that delay of gratification is a better predictor of children's future success than IQ or SAT scores. When it comes to achievement, brains and talent or good--luck windfalls do not seem to be nearly as important as good character. There is just something about having to do things in the “old-fashioned” way that always brings people out on top. Do the work first; play later

In the process of persistence, character is built. Muscle is developed. Maturity is gained. As James tells us, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (1:2-4 NIV).

The same principle says you have to allow a little birdie to break out of its own shell instead of breaking the shell for it and bringing it out before its time. Part of it is the timing involved in maturity, but another part is the actual persistent process of the bird's having to peck the shell and work its way out. That process builds strength and muscles that it will need to survive in the outside world. Break the bird out yourself and it will die because it is not ready no handle life. It did not get there the “old-fashioned” way of delaying gratification and earning its reward of freedom .So it dies, too weak to make it its the real world.

But this slower, surer process is so against our nature. We want it now, and so we focus on getting the goal but not gaining the skills. The other night I was working with my other daughter, who is six, on her reading. She has figured out that recognizing words is the quick and easy ways, and than phonics takes a bit of work. She loses it when she sees words she already knows and can just skip along the page and read them. It is exciting for her to go through a whole sentence without hitting a speed bump. She loves the prize, being able to read.

She was reading a book to me and was breezing along when she hit a pretty big word that she was not familiar with. She stumbled a little bit and then tried to skip ahead, regaining that feeling of momentum. But I had to rain on her parade, “Wait. Go back Speedy. What is that word?” I asked.

“I don't know, It too hard,” she said.

That doesn't matter if you sound it out,” I said. “If you sound out the letters, you can read any word you ever find. So come on. What are the sounds?

I could see her having to go deep into the well and summon up the perseverance to get through four formidable syllables and some testy sounds. She had no clue what the word was or where these sounds were going to take her. I had to nudge her through each syllable, each consonant, each vowel.

As she painstakingly pushed through each sound, she could hear each of the previous ones still reverberating until finally she got to the end. She had said the word piece by piece without recognizing it, and risen when she put it all together and said in at once, the light came on. She happily said it again and beamed with excitement. She was justifiably proud because she had done something that she didn't think she could do.

But what was important to me was not that she got the word. That was the fruit, rise prize. I was delighted because she was learning the skill that would enable her no get any word. If she learned how to sound out the syllables, she would be able to read words that she did not know and had never seen before. Because she persisted in going through the work of it, she developed the muscle that James is talking about. In the area of reading, she was becoming “complete, lacking in nothing.” The big value of persistence and Perseverance is in who we become as we persist and persevere. We become the kind of people that we need to be if we are to make it.

Sometimes Obstacles are Really Open Doors

The old saying, God never closes a door without opening another one, is one of the best reasons we have for perseverance. Life is a journey, and it usually involves going down a few dead ends before get to where we are headed. We have seen that there is value in these unintended trips as we build our character and abilities along the way. But what we don't often realize is that the dead end, or the obstacle itself, might be a huge blessing in disguise. If we persist and persevere, we will find that one closed door turns us toward at opportunity, often a better one.

I once asked an audience how their lives would have been if they had gotten everything they thought they wanted. Groans and laughs erupted as they realized that they were much better off at having lost a certain relationship or opportunity than if it had worked out. What they thought they wanted was not what they needed. God knew better.

And I (Henry) saw this truth brought to life in our own work about ten years ago. In the previous ten years, we had built a psychiatric hospital treatment company, and we loved the work we were doing. Every day was a joy and a new challenge. We were leading that company, doing the clinical work, developing treatment programs, writing the group materials for the hospitals to use, developing material on personal growth, and teaching in seminars throughout the western United States. In addition we did a syndicated radio show in the West and wrote books on our materials. It was all an outreach of the company, and it was the structure of the company that made it work and provided the needed resources. We found all of is extremely fulfilling.

Then, almost overnight, managed care and HMOs swallowed up the medical industry. Before this change, insurers had allowed patients to remain in a treatment center long enough to really work on their issues and bring about significant improvement. But with the new managed care models, they would no longer allow patients to stay in the hospital long enough to get real help. Patients could be in hospitals only long enough to get stabilized in acute or emergency situations. We were no longer able to do what we loved the most, to communicate and process the spiritual and psychological issues involved in a person's problem.

Suddenly the clinic turned into more of a business than a passion to help the hurting. Although the centers were still financially viable, we knew that it was no longer our calling. In additions, a merger had taken place that affected our company, and the new structure only increased the problem and moved us further away from our calling. We could not work with that, so we knew it was time to get out.

I recall those days, and they were dark, at least in the beginning. We had spent the better part of ten years and a lot of sacrifice and hard work building a company, and we were finally at the point where it was mature and doing well. We were enjoying the fruits of' our dream. Then, wham! The gut punch. The door slammed in our face. All that we had poured into our dream went down the drain. “God, how could you let this happen?”

What we didn't know, or at least had forgotten and were too blind to see, was “where God closes one door, he opens another.” in the getting-out phase, we sat down with the company we sold to and talked to see if there was some way we could work together. We had little hope of anything developing. All that we had built seemed to be going away, but we decided to persist and persevere in the process, if there was even a slim chance that we could find some way to use all that we had built, we wanted to find it. Then from the long meetings and back and forth communications, an idea emerged.

The new company had just acquired a broadcast than reached into two hundred markets around the country. Those clinical services that they were continuing needed an outreach, so they asked us to be the doctor experts on that call-in broadcast. The idea sounded interesting, but what would our “real job” be if we were no longer in the hospital treatment business?

Then it hit us. If we were talking daily to millions of people all across the country, we could start a company that took the things we were passionate about into communities. We had previously done this as a sideline in connection with our treatment centers; now we could do that in a more focused and larger way. So we started down a new path. We produced seminars for our listening audience and began helping churches and organizations use the materials that we developed to address life issues through small groups and other strategies. In addition to those primary broadcasts, we now have weekly satellite broadcasts in over three thousand churches, where audiences gather to hear our Solutions television broadcast and then go into small groups to work on their issues.

Now, years later, we have the privilege of working with thousands of churches and organizations through our materials and our speaking, partnering with them to do the amazing work of restoring lives, relationships, and dreams of people in their communities. Every day we receive letters and calls or talk to people in our travels who tell us of the life change they experienced through one of our groups, books, videos, or workbooks. This excites us, because people whom we've never met have been touched through the work of other people using our materials. The fruitfulness of our work has been multiplied, not by us, but by others.

We were bummed when our plan slammed in our face ten years ago. But God is bigger than our plans, and he always has a better one than any we could conceive ourselves.

As we went through this difficult time, I remember leaning on the verse that says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV). I did not understand why he had let us spend all that time and effort building something that would so soon cease to exist. It seemed like such a waste. I could not see it the time that it was not a waste at all. God was going to use all the material and models that we developed in a context much larger than our original plan--a context that would enable us to do much more good. Now, with the advantage of 20/20 hindsight, I confess that I can see what he was doing. I wish I had been more certain at the time that he knew what he was up to. I questioned him a lot, and I felt let down. But now know what I should have known then: trust him. He is always up to something--something good.

If you have a relationship with God, this is true for you as well. Whenever you encounter a closed door, God knows what he is doing. Trust him: he is for you. He has a plan. But his plan will never come to fruition if you do not Persist and persevere. That is your part, and making it all come together is his. If you stop when you encounter an obstacle or a closed door, you can't blame your failure on the obstacle or the door. If you stop trying at that point, then your ultimate failure is your own responsibility. Keep going until you find the right thing, The obstacle is there not to stop you, but to turn you toward a better way----God's way for your life. That's why persistence and perseverance are so vitally important. We have to press on, even when we hit obstacles and roadblocks. They might be the strengthening of the shell that we, like the birdie, have to break through in order to grow strong enough to succeed. Or they light be the closed doors that God uses to redirect our lives to his perfect plan. Really, now, in spite of the heartbreak and the agony of rejection, aren't you glad that the relationship you had in high school did not work out?

One Step Leads to Another

The other big thing about persistence and perseverance is than the roadblocks themselves are often the steps that lead to the opens door. One roadblock leads to another which leads to another which heads to success. If we quit at the first one, we don't find the lead that comes from the next one.

Think of it in terms of a salesman making calls. He knocks on one door and the purchasing agent does not want his product, but she remembers the name of a company that might. He calls on the buyer in that company and finds than he has no need for the product either, but he just heard someone at lunch talking about needing a product similar to what the salesman is selling. He gets the name and makes the call, and the voice on the line says. “I can't believe you are calling me. Your product is exactly what I have been looking for. When can you come by?”

You never know what might come from the next person you talk to or the next door you knock on. Remember, “for everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will he opened” (Matthew 7:8 NIV). But if quit asking, seeking, or knocking (read persisting and persevering, nothing can happen to fulfill than promise of an opened door.

Another way of looking at it is that each step always holds the step after it. The point of climbing a ladder or a flight of stairs is to get to the top. You don't make any given step your primary goal; you just see it as one more you must take to get to the top. But what if you focused on each step as if it had to be the top, getting angry or discouraged after your first step because you didn't immediately find yourself at the top? If that were your strategy, you would never get there. You take each step to get to the next one.

Virtually everything works that way. We meet people who introduce us to other people who become the people we were looking for to begin with. We go to a doctor who figures out that we need another doctor and refers us to the right one. That is the way most of life works. People who stop and do not persist and persevere after the first steps don't work out are defying the way the system works, and they are sure to lose out on reaching their dream.

Here is another important thing to remember. Our explanations may make it seem that the persistence process leads you in a straight line, where one step always leads to the next one on a single linear path. That is not the way it works. Think of it not as a linear path, but as an innovative path. One step leads to an obstacle or a door that puts you on an entirely different paths. It is not more of the same. But without the persistence of going through that step, we would not find the path that we eventually travel. Remember Mr. Honda and his piston rings? He ended up building the Accord and many other things bigger than just a ring on a piston in an automobile engine. But his persisting and persevering through the steps led to the innovation that led to the greater path.

What are you working on now that you need to follow through on to see where it heads? If you have met a dead end, it may mean that you need to take one more step--or two or three--before you find the path that leads to the reward you seek. The only thing that makes sense is to keep taking those steps. The open door is waiting for you on some path you are yet meant to find. If you don't find it because you fail to persist and persevere, it will be no one's fault but your own. God is for you. He wants you to win. And when you don't, he has something else for you that is part of his plan. So keep asking, seeking. and knocking, and you will find the door he has opened for you.

From Fruit Focus to Gardening Focus

Part of what we are talking about here is a change of focus. It is natural for us to look at the goal or the potential fruit of our hard work, and desire it. In fact, success research shows that to write down your goals, to have a vision for them, to keep them in mind, is very important to getting what you want in life. To be “goal oriented” is a wonderful thing. God has given us a linear mind that looks ahead to a desired result and then works out a path to achieve it. That is good.

But the ones who actually get there not only have a “goal orientation,” they also have a “process focus.” In other words, to get to the goal they desire, they focus on the things that have to happen for it to come about. That is the hard work of persistence and perseverance.

A wonderful analogy for this is the gardener, the farmer, or the vineyard keeper. Certainly these workers of the land want the eventual harvest, but just sitting around wanting is not what they do most of the year. What they do is work the fields. They sow the necessary seed, they water the plants, they dig around the root systems and purge them of things that choke them. They fertilize the plants to give them the ingredients that they can't produce for themselves. They prune them of the extraneous shoots and branches that distract their growth. They kill off diseases that may be infecting the plants, and they fight off insects and predators that come to steal what they are trying to produce, in other words, they can't be sitting around all year wishing or demanding that fruit come. Instead, they go to work each day and do very, very mundane things that seemingly have little to do with a rose, an ear of corn, or a fine bottle of Chardonnay. But they focus on those hundreds of details, little by little, over the full span of the growing season.

Then, one day it is harvest time. And they rejoice in what their persistence and perseverance have brought about. As Proverbs says of this kind of diligence: “Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth' (10:4 NIV). And, “the sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied” (13:4 NIV).

None of this is rocket science; it is the created order. It is how everything of value comes about, from Honda motorcars to losing a hundred pounds. All goals are achieved through the diligent practice of the day-to-day, mundane tasks.

So, today as you think of your goal, think also of the process required to get you there. If your goal is to lose weight, think of this principle so it will motivate you to go do that forty-five-minute workout. If your goal is a good relationship, think of the value of the process as you make that little sacrifice one more time to work things out. If your goal is a better business, think of this principle as you work out one more problem or make one more cold call. If your goal is to find a relationship, keep it in mind as you go on one more blind date or join one more dating service.

You get the idea. But remember, achieving your goal is a matter of where you put your focus. Keep your eye on the goal, of course. But, also keep your hands on the plow, each and every day, and focus today on what you have to do to get there. Do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. As the successful members of AA who overcome their addictions say at the end of the meeting:

“Keep coming back. It works.” That admonition holds true about most things of value.

The Whole Picture

One thing to remember about the principle of perseverance is that it does not operate in a vacuum. Persistence must be applied alongside all the other principles we have presented in this book. Blind persistence can be just “doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.” it could be diligence in simply hanging your head against the wall, and that will produce nothing for you but a headache.

So as you persist, examine your thinking. Get connected to the support you need to make it through the process. Work through the failures and learn from them. Take ownership of the results and see them as your problem. Say no to the things that are in the way. Take new steps and risks. All of these steps work together, and as they do, something else happens:

You find that the result is not the only prize! The real prize is the growth that you have realized on your journey. It is the person you have become, and the people you have touched along the way. It is the maturity you have achieved and the lessons you have learned. As James 1:4 says, “Perseverance must finish its work so that you maybe mature and complete, not lacking anything.” That is the cool thing about “keeping on.” You become a better person.

I have come to believe that God can get most of what he needs to get done on the earth without any particular individual. But he gives us the chance to be involved in whatever task he puts in our hands, not only to get it done, but also to grow us up. We are his “workmanship.” he says. We are his children, and he uses whatever work we do or whatever situations we find ourselves in to make us better people .More able to love him and more able to love others More able to bring about lasting fruit as a result of our character growth. Many times we are where we are, doing the job we are doing or the tasks we are involved in because he is growing some aspect of who we are. And even when had things happen that are not part of his plan, he promises to be with us as we persevere, to help us grow and heal from whatever this fallen world throws at us. As they say, whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

So learn something that real winners find to be true: the journey is more valuable than the prize. It is the trip getting there that we call “life.” And in life, we are meant to grow and become who we are supposed to be. Persist, persevere, and grow. Not only will you get the prize, but you will also learn to enjoy the growth process itself and see it as a wonderful journey--an unexpected prize in its own right as you become a better person. Enjoy the trip!

Conclusion

You have read the eight principles of the No-Excuse Plan. What now?

If the material in this book has made sense to you, then you probably are ready to get out of the “blame game,” conquer your fears, and set out to achieve your dreams. In telling you that you can do this, we are not simply giving you a motivational pep talk or encouraging wishful thinking. We see it being done every day by people who take ownership over their lives.

You are probably aware that you will need to do some work, such as getting out of your comfort zone or taking ownership of your problems and difficulties or renouncing a victim mentality that has had you stuck. This sort of work is worth all the effort you give it, and it can bear great fruit for your life.

At the same time, it's reasonable for you to ask, “Is there a guarantee that my efforts will pay off?” I am being asked to do some things that are new and different for me. What can I expect in return?'

Your chances of having the better life you want are exponentially greater as you use the principles in this book. They really do work. They are proven principles that have changed the lives of many people over many years. But there can be no 100 percent guarantee. There is always risk involved. We hope, however, that you are now less averse to risk than you might have been before reading this book.

At the same time, there is a negative guarantee that applies to all of its. It is sobering, it is certain, and we can depend on it. The negative guarantee is this: If we continue to blame others for our present situation, and if we continue to be afraid to take ownership of our lives, we will also continue to experience the same failures and frustrations that we have always experienced. To the extent that you avoid responsibility for yourself, you will also find your life goats eluding you.

Blame, and the It's-not-my fault mentality, can be somewhat comforting. They work like an anesthetic, temporarily numbing us to the burden of ownership of our lives. But all anesthetics wear off in time, and the comfort of blame always dissipates in the light of what we truly desire. It's much better to embrace the pain of ownership and reap a great life than to be diverted by blame's tempting message.

The Spiritual Design

The idea of a better life isn't something people just conjure up in their heads. Conceiving of a better life is inherent in our design and makeup. God designed you for meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. He put inside you the potential to enter life and, with his guidance, to make something of it. There is a plan for you. When this plan is lodged deep within you, it also originated outside of you in the very mind of God: “'For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'” Our welfare, a positive future, a reason for hope, and freedom from calamity are all part of the better life God wants for us, and he has structured things so that you can enter this life. He plays his part in orchestrating events, supporting, and guiding you. You are to play yours in choosing and following the right way, the way of ownership and responsibility for your choices and path.

Dream On

So how do you begin? Always start with your dreams and desires. That is where you have the most leverage and payoff. What do you dream about? What do you hope for? What do you want to happen?

For most of us, the answers to these questions come in two parts: We want to receive the good, and we want to remove the bad. We have positive desires and goals for life accomplishments and relationship success. At the same time, we want to avoid, resolve, and end those negative things that bind us, keep us unhappy, and consume valuable time and energy. As in sports, we have to play offense--achieving the dreams and desires, but we also need a defense--overcoming the obstacles and removing the bad stuff that hampers us.

You may have stopped dreaming, setting goals, and planning a long time ago. You may have become discouraged. Or you may have become resigned to thinking that things will never change. No one came blame you for becoming discouraged; that happens to all of us. But discouragement is simply a sign that the path you have taken isn't working for you. There is very likely another path that will work better. Allow yourself to dream and hope again, this time with openness to the knowledge that good things can happen.

Asking and Answering Yourself

When we begin to dream, hope, and set goals, certain specifics of our lives that we care about start coming to mind. You will often find several areas of your life in which blame, passivity, and fear have taken hold. It can be helpful to look at each of these areas and ask yourself How I contributing to my unhappiness here? It's one of the most empowering questions you can ever ask.

We have chosen five critical areas of life in which blame or it's not my fault thinking can be particularly destructive. In each of these areas, we provide examples of the blame-game thinking that may underlie the problem. After the example, we show a way to approach the problem from an ownership standpoint. We hope these examples will spur your thinking and lead you to take positive action in these areas.

Critical Area No. 1: Love

Love is one of the greatest and most important experiences that anyone can have. It is a gift, and it can fill up our lives. We all possess a deep desire to have someone connected to our hearts in a safe and growing relationship.

You may be single and looking for the right person, or you may be married and wanting your connection to be happier, deeper, and more intimate. In either situation, a healthy, safe, exciting, and positive love relationship is an important part of life. Or at a more serious level, things may not be going well in your love life. Your dating life may be in trouble, or it may be nonexistent. Your marriage may be empty or struggling with a great deal of pain and conflict.

Avoid the blame game and ask, What part have I played in this situation? Here are some common answers to this question and some solutions based on the eight principles we've presented in this book:

* I have blamed my unhappiness on my spouses (or, boyfriend or girlfriends) lack of change. I can become happy even if he (or she,) never chances.

* I have given up too soon. I can stick to a good plan even if the going gets rough.

* I have not been clear about what I want and need. 1 can let her (or him) know, kindly but directly, what 1 want and need

* I have been afraid to confront. I can learn how to confront in Love and truth.

* I have avoided looking at my own lack of love or my control issues in the relationship. I can take responsibility for not being loving or for being controlling, and I can change those things

* I have put up with things I should never have tolerated. I can say no to bad treatment and take steps to set limits on how I am treated

* I have allowed myself to be alone in this problem. 1 can reach out and connect with people who will be my support system.

In your own life you may find attitudes and answers other than the ones we've listed here. The point is, when you are the one talking action and changing, you have movement toward your goal--a thing that can't happen when you are stuck in blame. Remember, no one else but you can do this for yourself.

Critical Area No. 2: Work

We all want to have a meaningful and fulfilling work life. We want a vocation that both challenges us and fits our area of competence. But problems often arise. Perhaps you find yourself on the wrong career path. Or maybe you're on the right path, but you're not as far along on it as you want to be at this point in life. Maybe you are in the right industry or company, but you haven't advanced as you intended. Or perhaps you see yourself in a different industry. Or you may be questioning everything about your work, wondering where in the world you do fit in.

It's-not-my-fault thinking can keep people paralyzed in their work for decades. The boss, the supervisor, the economy all get blamed, but the one really suffering is you. No one would deny that bosses and economic ups and downs are very important factors, but there are always things you can change in your own life. Let's look again at several blame-game answers that don't work and show the “take control” alternative that can make a difference:

* I have waited for the boss to recognize my merits. I can set up a meeting with him to make sure he knows what I am doing.

* I have not taken ownership of any attitudes I have brought to the workplace that have made me difficult to work with. 1 can ask for feedback and change what I need to change.

* I have not sought out more training and experience to develop my marketability. I can find time and ways to do that and still work for a living.

* I have not approached my supervisor and tried to work out misunderstandings. I can take the initiative and let her know that I want to be a team player and help her achieve her goals.

* I have blamed my company instead of looking at what I can do to help it grow and prosper. 1 can choose to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

* I have been afraid to be creative. 1 can brainstorm and stop playing it safe.

* I have started new ideas and not followed up on them. I can stick to it even if the initial response isn't very positive.

* I have been afraid to try out new jobs and opportunities. I can look around and see what else is out in the workplace that might fit my abilities and dreams.

The job market responds not only to talent, but also to ownership and initiative. I have seen many people who weren't the most innately gifted achieve higher success than their more talented colleagues, because they looked at themselves and made the right changes.

Critical Area No. 3: Parenting

If you have children, you know how much you want to see them succeed, make and keep good friends, and become responsible people. To see a child launch into adulthood and do well is the greatest hope of every parent. At the same time, all sorts of obstacles stand in the way of good Parenting. A preschooler becomes aggressive with his sibling. A schoolgirl doesn't make the grades she is capable of. A teen struggles with drugs or alcohol.

The problem is often compounded by the reality that the person with the problem isn't ready concerned about it. You care more about the issue than your kid does. You're alone in this. Your child isn't coming to you and saying, “Help me.” This can lead to a sense of helplessness and discouragement.

Remember that even if your child doesn't know it, he needs you, and he needs you to help him with this problem. Be a parent who takes initiative, and explore these areas in which you may have failed… and consider the ownership alternative:

* I have blamed my child and avoided seeing my part in creating the problem he's facing. I can change the way I parent him so that he has a better chance to succeed.

* I have been afraid of her anger or of hurting her feelings, I can learn not to take her negative reactions personally

* I have given up too easily when he has resisted me. I can persist in my rules and discipline, knowing that success will take time.

* I have not wanted to look at the failures, because they might indicate I'm not a good parent. I can deal with my failure without guilt or shame- they provide a way for me to learn how to improve.

* I have not reached out to others for help. I can be humble and ask people for support and advice.

* I have given in to the mentality that that's just the way she is. I can give her the gift of knowing she can be a better person, just like I can.

The best parents aren't those who have all the answers. They are those who take ownership of the problem and go find the answers. When you own your part in the problem, you are then able to help your child own his part as well. He also learns the value of responsibility and ownership.

Critical Area No. 4: Relationships

The person with great relationships is the wealthiest person in the world. Friendships and family connections are a central part of a truly meaningful and purposeful life; their value can't be overestimated. You are highly blessed when you have safe, solid folks who are there for you.

Most people have struggles, minor or major, in their personal relationships. You and a friend have a disagreement that escalates. A relationship ends. You discover that you're picking the wrong people for your friends. Or you find control dynamics in your family that leave you feeling powerless and unhappy.

Look at a few of the typical causes of relationship problems below and consider the suggestions for taking ownership:

* I have silently blamed people without speaking up. I can tell them what is wrong so they have a chance to hear me and change.

* I have assumed that people will never change, so I have given up I can give them the same grace I'd like them to give me.

* I need their approval so badly that I could not imagine saying anything that might drive them away. I can get my approval needs met from other people so that 1 can be stronger and less emotionally dependent.

* I have judged them. I can give up judgment to God and ask for mercy for them and for myself.

* I have held them to a standard that is not reasonable. I can be realistic with my expectations of them.

* I have avoided looking at how I affect them. I can ask them how I affect them and change what needs to be changed.

You will find freedom in these explorations. Taking ownership of the relational problem may go a long way toward healing your difficult connection with a friend or family member.

Critical Area No. 5: Bad Habits and Personal Issues

Your dream may be to become a free person--to be free of a habit, addiction, or life pattern that drains you and keeps you in prison. There are many of these potential prisons, ranging from the merely troubling to the life-threatening. Depression, eating problems, anger issues, anxiety, drugs and alcohol struggles, and sexual dependencies are but a few examples. These can discourage and paralyze a persons potential to have the better life he or she was designed to experience.

If you find yourself dealing with these or similar issues, look at the following ways in which you may have passed the blame, and consider what you might do to take control:

* I have waited for others to see how they have caused this problem in me. I can choose to heal whether or not they ever recognize their negative effect on me.

* I have blamed God for not protecting me. I can let go of blame, knowing he has suffered with me and identifies with my pain.

* I have used the habit or issue as a way to medicate pain, so I have resisted giving it up. I can face the hurt and pain underneath so that I can be free.

* When others have tried to connect with me, I have dismissed their efforts. I can take the risk to let good people inside to love and support me.

* I have seen myself as different so that no one can truly understand my situation. 1 can realize that there are people who “get it” about me, and they can help.

* Rather than seeing myself as one who has been victimized in my past. I have taken on a victim identity and remained passive. I can renounce the victim identity and take on my own identity as a person who has both baggage and blessings.

No one who understands these struggles would ever blame the person caught in their grip for having personal difficulties. Anger and anxiety issues, eating problems, and addictions almost always involve some combination of being hurt and avoiding the pain necessary to heal. You need others to show compassion for your hurt, to love you, and to encourage you to take ownership of the healing. This is the path of growth that results in deep and permanent change and transformation.

Don't Go It Alone

A word of encouragement: if you want to see better and more significant changes in taking ownership, you must get connected. Find a few people, or even one, to read this book with, or even just to discuss the ideas in it. Relationship is a powerful change agent. It multiplies the effects of any thought or effort you put into these principles. The support, safety, feedback, and help you get from the right people will make a great deal of difference.

And finally, remember that God is for you in making these changes. He is on your side, and he is walking with you, guiding you, and taking you down the path that he designed for you: “The LORD says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you'.” Ask him for his help and put your trust in his ways.

God bless you!