No, you can be happy with who God made you to be, and quit wishing you were something different. If God had wanted you to look like a fashion model, a movie star, a famous athlete, or anyone else, He would have made you look like them. If God had wanted you to have a different personality, He would have given you that personality. Don't compare yourself to other people; learn to be happy with who God made you to be.
Many people are insecure about who they are, so they constantly try to gain the approval of everybody around them so they can feel better about themselves. They end up living to please other people, trying to fit into their molds so they can be accepted. They act one way for their boss, another way for their spouse, and another way for their friends. They live a life of pretense, wearing various masks, and hoping to please everybody. In essence, they are not being true to anyone, especially themselves.
But if you are going to enjoy life to the full, you must learn to be confident as the individual God made you to be. Understand this: You were not created to mimic somebody else. You were created to be you. When you go around copying and trying to be like somebody else, not only does it demean you, it steals your diversity your creativity, and your uniqueness.
God doesn't want a bunch of clones. He likes variety and you should not let people pressure you or make you feel badly about yourself because you don't fit their image of who you should be. Some people spend three-fourths of their time trying to be somebody else. How foolish!
Be an original, not a copycat. Dare to be different; be secure in who God made you to be and then go out and be the best you that you can be. You don't have to look or act like anyone else. God has given us all different gifts, talents, and personalities on purpose. You don't really need anybody else's approval to do what you know God wants you to do.
Certainly, you should always be open to wise counsel. I'm not suggesting that you be foolish or rebellious. Nor am I suggesting that you move from liberty to license in your spiritual life. We never have permission to live an ungodly life. But we do have God's blessing to be confident, not letting outside pressures mold us into something or someone we're not. If you want to wear your hair a certain way that's your prerogative. You don't have to check with all your friends to make sure it's okay. Be secure in who you are. If you want to join the choir at church or start a new business or buy a new car or home, you don't need anyone's approval before you can do what you know God wants you to do. Your attitude should be: I am confident in who I am. I'm not going to go around pretending, wishing I was something else, trying to fit into everybody's mold. 1 am free to run my own race.
It's okay to be you! God made you the way you are on purpose. He went to great lengths to make sure that each of us is an original. We should not feel badly because our personality tastes, hobbies, or even spiritual tendencies are not the same as another person's. Some people are outgoing and energetic. Other people are more timid and laid back. Some people like to wear suits and ties. Other people are more comfortable wearing blue jeans. Some people close their eyes and lift their hands when they worship God in a more subdued manner. And guess what? God likes it all! God loves variety.
Don't think that you have to fit into somebody else's mold and, similarly don't be upset when other people don't fit into your molds. Just be the person God made you to be.
Interestingly Victoria and I are totally opposite in many respects. I'm a very routine person, extremely structured and organized. I get up at the same time every day. I do the same things, maintain the same schedule from week to week. I go to the same restaurants and eat the same food. In most cases, I don't even have to look at the menu, because I know I'm going to order the same things I always order. Victoria, on the other hand, does not like routine. She likes variety. She's outgoing, energetic, fun, adventurous, and daring. There's no telling what she's going to do next! My prayer is always, “Please, God, just don't let her get arrested!”
And here is the wonderful part: God made her that way! One of the reasons why we have a good relationship is because I don't spend my time trying to change her, and she doesn't make me feel badly about being myself, or nag me because I'm not just like her. We've learned to appreciate our differences. We've learned to enjoy the person God made each of us to be.
In the process, we balance each other. I'm structured and routine; she's fun and adventurous. Without her, my life would be boring; without me, she would be in prison! (Just kidding.)
Learn to Appreciate the Differences
The truth is, we all must learn to appreciate our differences. Don't try to squeeze everybody into your little box. And don't allow anyone else to cramp your style. Certainly, we can always learn from other people, and sometimes we need to he open to change. But you need not feel insecure because you don't have the same physical, emotional, or intellectual traits that someone else has. Be happy with who God made you to be.
The reason many people are discontented today is because they compare themselves with other people. You know how it goes. You start out in a perfectly good mood, happy as can be, but then you see one of your coworkers drive up in a brand-new car. You start thinking, I wish I had a new car. Here 1 am, driving this old clunker. Before long, your good mood is gone, and you are discouraged and discontented. Or maybe you see a friend walk into the room and she is being escorted by her handsome husband who looks as though he just stepped out of GQ magazine. Then you look over at your husband . . . and well, you get my point.
But it's as silly to compare your spouse to somebody else's spouse as it is to compare your talent, abilities, or education to somebody else's. Such comparisons are almost always counterproductive, causing you to lose your joy just run your race. Don't worry about anyone else.
Not long ago, I heard a minister on television tell how he got out of bed every day at four o'clock in the morning and prayed for two hours. My first thought was, Oh, my, I don't pray for two hours a day, and I surely don't get up that early. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt!
Finally; I had to get a hold of myself, and say, “That's great for him, but thank God, it's not great for me! I'm going to run my race, and I'm not going to feel guilty or badly about myself just because I'm not doing what he's doing.
God has an individual plan for each of our lives. Just because something works for somebody else doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work for you. God gives each of us special grace to do what He's called us to do. If we make the mistake of trying to copy other people, we're going to be frequently frustrated, and we're going to waste a lot of time and energy. Worse yet, we may miss the good things God has for us to do!
I've seen mothers who are always running their children here and there, investing a lot of time in their kids. Their children are involved in every club and sport, and usually that's great. But some moms simply try to copy another person, or they enroll their children in all sorts of activities out of a sense of guilt and condemnation. Some frantic, frazzled parents are so desperately trying to keep up with their peers (their peers, not their children's!), they are missing the entire point of the horizon-expanding programs in the first place. Not only that, but all that running around is wearing out Mom and Dad!
Here's some good news: You don't have to keep up with anyone else. You can run your own race and be an individual. God has given you the grace to do what He's called you to do. He has not given you the grace to do what everybody else is doing. You don't have to be the best mother in the world. Just be the best mother that you can be.
I may not ever be the world's greatest pastor. I may not be the best husband or the best father, but I'm determined to be the best I can be. And I'm not going to feel bad about myself. If somebody can do what I do better, fine. I'm not in a contest; I'm not comparing myself with anyone else. As far as I'm concerned, I'm number one! I know I'm doing the best I can do.
That is what the Scripture teaches. It say's, “Let each one examine his own work.”' In other words, quit looking at what everybody else is doing and run your own race. You can take pride in yourself without comparing yourself to anybody else. If you run your race and be the best that you can be, then you can feel good about yourself.
Granted, you will face enormous pressure to do what everybody else is doing, to try to please everybody and meet all their expectations. If you're not careful, though, your life can become a blur, a pale imitation rather than an original. But you don't have to please everyone else; you need to please only God. The truth is, if you're going to run your own race, you may not be able to meet other people's expectations. You can't be everything to everybody. You'll have to accept the fact that some people may not like you. Everybody's not going to agree with every decision you make. You probably will not be able to keep every person in your life happy. But you can't let the demands, pressures, and expectations from others stop you from doing what you know God wants you to do.
Melanie is a bright young woman who does a marvelous job of balancing her responsibilities as wife and mother with her desires for a career outside the home. But she felt pressured to keep moving up the ladder in her company. When a new position opened, her boss urged her to accept a promotion. Her husband approved, and Melanie knew it was a great opportunity. But something inside caused her to take pause. She didn't feel good about accepting the new position. She didn't want to work in that stressful an environment, and besides, she was fulfilled and contented in her current position. She was highly competent at her job, enjoyed her career, and was able to work flexible hours, which allowed her to spend plenty of time with her family.
“I'm honored that my employer wants to promote me,” Melanie said, “but I'm happy with the way things are. I'm afraid, though, that I will let everybody down if I don't take the new job. I feel that I won't be living up to their expectations if I turn down the new opportunity. What do you think I should do?”
“Melanie, you can't live to please everybody' else,” I told her. “And although those people may mean well and may want the best for you, only you know deep down inside what is right for you. You have to learn to follow your heart. You can't let other people pressure you into being something that you're not. If you want God's favor in your life, you must be the person He made you to be, not the person your boss wants you to be, not the person your friends want you to be, not even the person your parents or your husband wants you to be. You can't let outside expectations keep you from following your own heart.”
Melanie declined the offer for the new position, and she and her family are thriving. In her case, a promotion would have been a step backward.
Seek Good Counsel
When you face difficult decisions or uncertain choices, it helps to seek counsel from someone you respect. Certainly, as the Bible says, “there's safety in a multitude of counselors,” and we should never be hardheaded and stubborn. We should always stay open and be willing to take advice. But after you've prayed about something and looked at all the options, if you still don't feel good about it, be bold enough to make a decision that is right for you. If you're trying to please everybody else by doing things you don't really want to do, so you won't hurt somebody's feelings, or you are trying to keep everybody happy, you will be cheating yourself. You can run yourself in circles trying to be something that you're not, and you'll run the risk of missing out on God's best for your own life.
Sometimes you can even get too much advice. If you're not careful, conflicting opinions will simply cause confusion. Sometimes the friends who are giving you advice can't in. in run their own lives. But they sure are good at telling you how to run yours! Be careful about whom you allow to influence your decision-making process. Make sure the people who are giving you advice know what they're talking about and are people who have earned no your respect as a source of wisdom. Besides, secure people rely on their inner direction 75 percent of the time and on their outer direction only 25 percent of the time. That means for most of the decisions you make, you should not have to seek everybody else's opinions and approval. You need to follow your own heart in light of God's Word and do what you feel is right and good for you.
Similarly, parents, you should not put pressure on your children to fulfill your dreams. You should allow them to fulfill the dreams God has placed in their own hearts. Of course it's good to give our children direction and guidance, but don't be a controller or a manipulator. Don't put unrealistic expectations on your children.
One of the things I appreciated about my mom and dad's parenting style was that they never planned my siblings' lives or my life. Certainly; they pointed us in the right direction, offering advice and wise counsel. They helped us see where our gifts and talents were, even those that were buried. But they always let us fulfill our own dreams. From the time I was a little boy; I knew my dad wanted me to preach, but I never had that desire. Despite his disappointment, Daddy never once tried to cram preaching down my throat. He never tried to make me feel guilty or that I was less of a person because I wasn't doing exactly what he wanted me to do. In fact, he often told me, “Joel, I want you to fulfill your dreams for your life, not my dreams for your life.” Today, I can preach with the freedom of knowing I'm not doing just what pleases my dad or other family members; I'm doing what pleases God.
Are you being the person God made you to be? Or are you just going around pretending, trying to be what everybody else wants you to be, living up to their expectations and following their dreams for your life? When my dad went to be with the Lord and I first started pastoring at Lakewood Church, one of my biggest concerns was “How is everybody going to accept me?” After all, Daddy' had been there for forty years, and everybody was accustomed to him. His style and personality were much different from mine. My dad was a fireball of a preacher, always energetic and exciting. I'm a bit more laid back.
One night I was praying, asking God what I should do. “Should I try to be more like my dad? Should I copy his style? Should I preach his messages?” On and on I went. I was just so concerned about it. But the Lord spoke to me, not out loud, but deep down in my heart, saying, Joel, don't copy anybody. Just be yourself. Be who I created you to be. I don't want a duplicate of your dad. I want an original.
That truth set me free!
I love the reminder in the book of Joshua. Moses had just died, and God wanted Joshua to take over as leader of His people. God said to Joshua, “As I was with Moses, I will be with you.” Notice He didn't say; “Joshua, you need to try to be just like Moses, then you'll be okay” No, God said to Joshua, “Be an original. Be who I made you to be, and then you'll be successful.”
One of the secrets of any success I've had at Lakewood and I know it all comes from God--would be that I have walked in my own shoes. I haven't tried to fill Daddy's shoes or anyone else's. I have not tried to be something that I'm not or tried to copy somebody else. I don't step up on the platform and act one way, then go home and act another way. No, with me, what you see is who I am. That's all God requires me to be.
And that's all He expects of you, as well. If you will learn to be the original God made you to be, God will take you places you've never even dreamed of. You may have some faults, some areas you and God are refining. But remember, God is in the process of changing you. And if you'll just be happy with who God made you to be and make a decision that you're going to be the best you can be. God will pour out His favor in your life, and you'll live that life of victory He has in store for you.
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