What if you became aware of a business opportunity that you knew was the chance of a lifetime? How would you pursue it? Would you use the Yellow Pages to find people to help you? Would you put an ad in the newspaper looking for a business partner? Certainly not! You would mentally review the friends and associates qualified to help, and you would choose the people with whom you have the best relationships. And if two people had the same level of skill, you'd pick the person you most like to work with.
All that may seem painfully obvious to you as you read it. However, I believe that most people underestimate the power and importance of relationships in regard to business and career. They try to learn the most recent management fad. They focus on product quality. They create programs and systems to improve productivity or increase repeat business. They collect e-mail addresses. These things may be helpful, but the real key is relationships. Never underestimate the power of friendship and likability when it comes to doing business.
To see an excellent example of the Friendship Principle, look at the life of Bill Porter. If ever there was a person with obstacles to succeeding in business, he was it. Porter was born with cerebral palsy. As a child, he was always physically behind his peers. From birth his right hand has been nearly useless, and verbal communication has always been difficult. The so-called experts thought he was retarded and advised his parents to institutionalize him. They refused. Instead they made major adjustments to their lifestyle, worked with him, and helped him to cultivate independence. Porter worked hard and completed high school, receiving his diploma.
DETERMINED TO MAKE IT
After high school, he looked for work with the aid of the Oregon Department of Employment. He took a job as a stock clerk and was fired after only one day. He worked as a cashier for Goodwill and lasted only three days. He took jobs at the Salvation Army working on the loading dock and at the Veterans Administration answering phones. After more firings, the Department of Employment deemed him “unemployable.”
But Porter wouldn't give up. He didn't want to live his life accepting a government disability check. When he got an opportunity to sell household items to raise money for United Cerebral Palsy, he loved it. He decided to make sales his career. He had a hard time finding a company that would give him a try, though. Finally he persuaded the director of Watkins Incorporated to give him a chance. He was reluctantly offered a territory that no other salesman would accept-- working for straight commission. Porter would be selling household products door to door.
That was in the 1950s. Today, Porter is in his seventies, and he still works for Watkins. For decades he got up in the morning at 5:45, took two hours to laboriously get ready and dressed, caught buses across town to his territory, and haltingly walked seven to ten miles every day, going door to door selling products such as vanilla, spices, and detergents. He won his first sales award more than forty years ago and long ago became Watkins' number one salesman in the Northwest. In an era when door-to-door salesmen faded away, he continued to thrive.
How did he do it? His first asset has always been persistence. His second has been friendship. How else could you explain the continued success of a salesman whom people find difficult to understand, selling products that can he bought cheaper at discount stores, being sold in a method that went out of style decades ago, from a man who asks his customers to complete their own order forms because he has trouble writing? As Shelly Brady, who has assisted Porter since she was seventeen, says, “He snuck into people's hearts.”
THE FOUR LEVELS OF BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS
As soon as you understand the way that relationships affect business, you begin to realize that all business relationships are not created equal. As I have studied the subject, I've found that there are four levels:
1. People Knowledge--Your Understanding of People Helps Build Your Business
In the introduction of this book, I discussed the importance of people skills in business relationships. They are absolutely essential to success. All the product knowledge in the world won't help someone without people skills. Nor will technical expertise. Nor will the ability to build a brilliantly efficient organization. If individuals don't possess people skills, they very quickly hit a ceiling in their effectiveness.
An interesting way that some people overcome a lack of expertise in people knowledge is to partner with someone who possesses it in abundance. For example, people like Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs brought together technical skill and people knowledge in a way that has made Apple computers a household name.
I believe there are thousands and thousands of technically talented people whose businesses would turn around overnight if only they mastered--or partnered with someone who possessed--people knowledge.
2. Service Skills--Your Treatment of People Helps Build Your Business
Barry J. Gibbons, author of This Indecision Is Final, maintains, “Between 70 percent and 90 percent of decisions not to repeat a purchase of anything are not about product or price. They are about some dimension of the service relationship.” Many businesses today recognize this fact, and as a result, they place greater emphasis on service to their customers. How you treat the people you do business with really matters, especially in a competitive marketplace. The more competitive the industry, the more important the service.
3. Business Reputation--Your Reputation for Relationships Helps Build Your Business
Writer Howard Hodgson said, “Whatever business you are in, you are in a business of relationships. That's why your reputation is your greatest asset.” Because of Bill Porter's physical disabilities, many people under-estimated his people skills--until they got to know him. Porter knew how to connect with people and understand their needs. For that reason, he was a good salesman. He also conducted his business in such a way that his customers always got what they were promised, when it was promised. Over time, his reputation grew. And as a result, he has sold products to three and sometimes four generations of some families!
4. Personal Friendship--Your Friendship with Others Builds Your Business
The highest level of business relationships is reached when people like your business, but more important, they like you! When there is a heartfelt personal connection to another person, it becomes stronger than any other kind of business bond. That's why I say all things being equal, people will work with people they like; all things not being equal, they still will. Friendship is the difference maker! Even when the odds are stacked against you, friendship many times will still give you the edge with the customer. Why? People like being and working with their friends.
I read a story about when General William Westmoreland was in Vietnam, and he was reviewing a platoon of paratroopers. As he walked down the line, he asked each of them a question: “How do you like jumping, son?”
“Love it. sir” was the first answer.
“The greatest experience in my life, sir!” exclaimed the next paratrooper.
But when he came to the third one, the soldier's response surprised him. “1 hate it, sir,” the young man replied.
“Then why do you do it?” asked Westmoreland.
“Because I want to be around the guys who love to jump.”
THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP
Although I've been examining the Friendship Principle solely in the context of business, it applies much more broadly. People want to engage in activities with people they like. Once again, this probably seems obvious, but I mention it because I want to emphasize the value--and power--of true friendship in every context and situation.
One person who had incredible insight about relationships was King Solomon of ancient Israel. It's said that he was the wisest person who ever lived. During the course of his lifetime, he wrote many wise things about friendships, and we can learn from them today. Here are a few of those truths about real friends:
Real Friends Are Scarce
Solomon wrote, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” When you develop a deep friendship with someone, value it, because real friends are rare. A true friend ...
is someone who sees you at your worst but never forgets your best.
is someone who thinks you're a little bit more wonderful than you really are.
is someone you can talk with for hours or be with in complete silence.
is as happy for your success as you are.
trusts you enough to say what he really means when talking to you.
doesn't try to know more, act smarter, or be your constant teacher.
In short, a real friend is a friend all the time. Value the real friends you have. They are precious. More important, try to become a real friend to others. There are few gifts greater than being a friend.
Real Friends Are Refreshing
Solomon observed, “Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” Every situation in life improves when a friend is involved. When you want to share a fun experience, there's nothing like having a friend with you. When you're facing a crisis, a friend shares its weight. C. S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at the moment one person says to another, 'What, you too? I thought I was the only one.'” That kind of connection is refreshing, no matter what's happening in your life.
How do others respond to you? When people see you coming, do they expect to be refreshed and energized? Or do they have to expend energy to sustain their interaction with you? Everyone should be a breath of fresh air to someone in his life.
Real Friends Make Us Better
In the best kinds of friendships, the people improve one another simply by being together. As Solomon said, “You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another.”
Automaker Henry Ford was having lunch with a person and asked him, “Who is your best friend?” As
Ford waited for his response, the man hesitated. He wasn't sure.
“I will tell you who your best friend is,” Ford jumped in. “Your best friend is the one who brings out the best that is within you.”
That's what real friends do. They bring out each other's best.
Real Friends Remain Faithful
Have you heard this one? What do you get if you cross Lassie with a pit bull? You get a dog that bites your face off and then goes for help. Real friends aren't like that. In this world there are plenty of people who don't care about others. Solomon remarked, “Calloused climbers betray their very own friends; they'd stab their own grandmothers in the back.” But real friends remain faithful no matter what.
Author and pastor Richard Exley said, “A true friend is one who hears and understands when you share your deepest feelings. He supports you when you are struggling; he corrects you, gently and with love, when you err; and he forgives you when you fail. A true friend prods you to personal growth, stretches you to your full potential. And most amazing of all, he celebrates your successes as if they were his own.
You cannot sustain a deep friendship with everyone, nor should you try. But you should cultivate genuine, deep friendships with a few people. And you can be a friendly, kind, supportive person to everyone you meet. You can treat every person as an individual, not simply a business “contact.” If you put others first as people and then worry about business second, you're on your way to practicing the Friendship Principle.
No matter what kind of business or industry you're in, the Friendship Principle can help you. It doesn't matter if you're the salesman or the customer, a boss or an employee, an executive or a stay-at-home mom. Whatever work you do, people will be more inclined to do it with you when you treat them like a friend.
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